Does age gap matter in marriage?

Most people argue that age should not matter in marriage, but experts say that with time reality kicks in. There are bound to be issues that, if unresolved, could be problematic. In this article, PAIDA MPASO talks to experts.

Marriage counselor Hastings Phale argues that couples should dwell on love as opposed to worrying over the age gap.

According to Phale, if the age difference is big, it’s obvious there will be problems. He says the best way of dealing with these problems is through constant communication and prayer.

“If a man is old by a lot of years, there will be problems. The same thing applies if it is the woman. I realise that as we get older, our bodies and our needs differ. And this might be the root of the problem. But as a marriage counselor I tell people to let God lead that marriage.,” he says.

Furthermore, Phale says while there might not be any problems at the beginning, problems are bound to come and they are best dealt with immediately.

“Later on in life when the couple gets older, it becomes more of a problem because the older spouse eventually gets into health and energy issues than the younger spouse. The latter may find this change harder to deal with.

“But if the couple talk about it and take all their fears to God, they are able to concur this phase,” he adds.

Generally, bodies age differently. Men, as most people say, have a slower ageing clock. Women on the other hand, grow up fast.

Considering this, many have suggested that the man should be older than the woman. But as time goes, this stance has changed and age difference no longer seem to matter.

CCAP marriage counselor Regina Phanga concurs with Phale and advocates for constant communication.

“Let truth be told, marriage is not all happiness; happiness is a component that is achieved if people strive and put an effort on it. If it had not been for that, many marriages would have collapsed by now. And the same thing should apply to marriages whose either partner is older. I am talking of a big difference.

“I would greatly caution any couple that is contemplating marriage. They need to look very carefully and prayerfully at the reality of what the upcoming years could most likely challenge their love and commitment,” says Phanga.

However, sociologist Jubilee Tizifa believes age should not matter at any level in a relationship.

Tizifa says that even though our bodies are different, there is no need to give up on love.

“Love is blind, so they say, and so if such a marriage is to work, love must continue to be blind. In other words, the couple must hold on to the things that attracted them together. Thus, love must continue to be blind, otherwise, if anything to the contrary happens there will be trouble,” she advises.

A recent research report published in March this year by United States of America’s Huffington Post shows that a lot of people preferred a man that was older than them by four years. Only one out of 100 women that were interviewed in a 2000 adult sample preferred a younger man.